Old Drunks, The Lost Symbol, NHL and College Football Babes

The old drunks employ a complex algorithm to evaluate the quality of American hockey franchises. The exact formula is a closely guarded secret, revealed only at the 33rd degree of our brotherhood, in a ritual requiring cloaks, coffins and a tiny pyramid. TOP SECRET Shit. Without sacrificing my position in the organization I can tell you only that the the Blackhawks regular season record and the Islander's 1st over all pick have very little to do with our ranking. On a related note, here's some essential reading for NCAA football fans.

Pittsburgh: Nazi Grandmas and the 99 Cent Yuengling Experience

A couple of things that sucked about Pittsburgh;

One of the first locals we ran into was a seven foot tall, 350 pound giant proudly displaying his neo-Nazi affiliation while smoking the foulest cigar I’ve ever smelled in one of the tiniest bars I’ve ever visited.

The batshit crazy drunken grandma from Ohio who sat down beside us at the Steelers game, downed, no lie, 4 large beers in the first quarter and kept up the pace throughout the game, all the while farting in Mofo D’s face, prattling on about banging her husband (who sat three rows back, with an empty seat beside him) in the washroom and encouraging her five-year-old grandson to tell Browns fans they had “some shit on their shirt” before spilling a beer down the Gayman’s back.

Some things that are great about Pittsburgh;

Official Steelers merchandise is available in Real Tree patterns

$2 talls of Miller High Life in camo cans at the Jack Rose Bar, which opens at 7 am 365 days a year.

99 cent Yuenglings at the Onyx Inn aka the black bar, aka the bar from The Wire

$5 pitchers of PRB and Misfits tunes on the juke box at Dee’s

A pair of championship franchises that actually seem to respect their fans; a pretty stark contrast to Toronto’s Leafs, Raptors, Jays and Argos that do their damndest to alienate their supporters by sucking harder than Sasha Grey and charging more for an upper deck ticket than a three way with Ashley Dupre and Heidi Fleiss

And a final word of advice;

Expect to do a lot of walking through freeway tunnels, over suspension bridges and up highway embankments because there are NO FUCKING CABS IN THIS CITY!

"I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom."

Spent a couple hours reading the paper in the Maple Leaf Tavern on Gerard St. last weekend, and I’m pleased to say that I highly recommend the joint. In addition to $3.50 Bud Lite, can you get any better than watching Patton on a Saturday afternoon with a crew of shitfaced septuagenarians? Had a good laugh as the boys debated the whereabouts of the missing stars on Old Glory during the famous speech scene (lost to hi-def aspect ratio).


Additional info: No menu, but the bartender was chowing down on a cob of corn while he served my beers.

The Old Drunks Head for Hamilton South!

Enamoured as we are with urban decrepitude and concerned for the ongoing well-being of the American service industry in our post-industrial knowledge based economy the Old Drunks have settled upon Pittsburgh, PA as our sports trip destination for the fall of 2009.

Steel City USA shares a lot of history with its craptastic northern brother on Lake Ontario but has recently displayed a truly American plucky self-reliance, pulling itself up by the bootstraps, particularly in the assembly of winning sports franchises. We’re pretty excited to see the Pens and Steelers on home turf before heading the local bars for shots and beers. Based on some preliminary research, it would appear there are two major neighbourhoods to explore;

The Polish Hill/Strip District, an old school blue collar neighbourhood abutting a newly revitalized warehouse district:
Gooski’s, 3117 Brereton St. - a Polish local, perogi house and concert venue
31st Street Pub, 3101 Penn Ave. - a sweet looking Biker bar
Brillobox, 4104 Penn Ave. - a somewhat pretentious looking indie venue that offers vegetarian suppers to starving artists... on second thought, perhaps we should skip this place

And Southside/East Carson, which apparently boasts North America’s highest concentration of bars per square mile:
Jack Rose Bar, 1121 E. Carson St. - voted best "shot and beer bar" and best place to avoid hipsters in Pittsburgh's local alt-weekly
Brewski’s, 801 E Carson St. - famous for their foosball tables. At least they're famous for something
Smiling Moose, 1306 E. Carson St. - features a nice looking Coors sign in the window


View Pittsburgh Trip in a larger map

French Chicks and Facades

Good times in Montreal. Checked out a couple of new joints, most notably Le Belmont Sur Le Boulevard which was pretty sweet and has a nice open façade to scope the ladies on the main.

Some other pleasant discoveries;

1. L’ile Noire offers $5 pints of local microbrews for happy hour
2. Much like the Bronx bar in Detroit, The legendary Verres Stérilisés Tavern isn’t anywhere near as shitty as I’d imagined. It looks a bit foreboding from the street, but inside it’s actually reasonably clean and friendly. Cheap quarts of Coors, Bud and 50.
3. A (unjustifiably) deserted neighbourhood place called Bar Oliveira on Rachel that features$3 bottles and a pretty decent juke box.
4. I’ve never actually been to The Dominion (though I’ve endorsed it below). Turns out I was confusing it with McLeans Pub, which rules and features all of the sweet sweetness of being in business (in one form or another) for about a hundred years.

Horizons de élargissement et se diriger à la gouttière

Se diriger à l'événement principal pour notre exposition mensuelle de merde de karaoke ce soir; un prélude convenable à une La debauched Belle Province de dans de long-week-end. Dans l'esprit de l'aventure j'ai choisi uns nouveaux à moi des trous de merde de Montréal pour explorer intermédiaire des plats de poutine;

Le Petite Idee Fixe, 4857 Av Du Parc
Miami, 3831 St-Laurent St.
Brasserie Laurier, 266 avenue Laurier Est
Bar des Pins, 3714 Parc Avenue
Mad Hatter Saloon, 1220 Crescent
Cock and Bull, 1944 Sainte-Catherine St. W
Le Salon Officiel, 351 Roy E.

une carte

The Dominion Pub: Man Den in Montreal

Getting geared up for next month's Montreal trip and remembered this gem from our last visit. Just around the corner from Rue Sainte-Catherine, The Dominion is the perfect escape while your lady shops at Simon's. Don't let the grandeur of the soaring ceilings fool you, this relic of the 1970’s is unequivocally a man den. I can’t remember much about the beer list (thought they probably still serve OV), but the décor and matronly waitresses have obviously been around for decades and combine to evoke the comforts of better times. It’s a magical room; after a couple pints you almost expect to glance up and see the Expos on TV.